Excerpted from One Year to Live: Memoirs of an Octopus

Chapter 11: Alien Abduction

It was a fine summers day. Water was a bit warm, but certainly fine for an all-day nap. After a long night of searching for crabs, sleep was certainly welcome. I stretched my arms, blew some water out of my siphon, and settled in for a nice long sleep. There appeared to be no need to plug the hole to my den with rocks or shells today, and so much work carrying all those rocks around. Besides, this seemed to be a pretty safe den. Unlike the last place with all the free loading mantis shrimps, disgustingly foul spider crabs (do they ever wash?), and male prostitute toadfish, constantly calling to females, all day and night. This place was much better and, after evicting a sponge or two, rather spacious.

My only real concern was an incident a few weeks ago when I was disturbed from a deep slumber (and finally with a dream that did not include a moray!) by a strange stick shoved into my den from the outside. I grabbed on to it to see what it was, but it was pulled out of my tentacles rather roughly. Outside were a couple of large alien creatures, blowing bubbles and looking at me through inquisitively through some strange clear masks. If they weren't so big, I would have stepped outside to check them out, but I thought it would be best to stay inside. After a few more pokes, they were gone, swimming away using large yellow fins. I fell back to sleep and when I woke up, convinced myself my strange encounter with these alien creatures was just a very vivid dream, and continued about my business of piling rocks next to the den and finding some tasty crabs.

Today, as I settled back into a deep slumber, the nagging sensation that my experience was not a dream was still there, but I shrugged it off, curled up my tentacles, and went to sleep. Suddenly, I was awoken out of a deep dream of catching a catching a giant clawless king crab, by the same stick pushed into my den, but this time much harder. Instinctively, I tried to jet away, but was stopped by some strange material with holes in it. Just barely awake, I watched in horror as my den slipped from view and I was transported to the surface and taken out of the water. Ahead of my was a large ship, floating above the water, with one of the strange alien creatures reaching out its tentacle at me. This creature examined me, hanging denless out of the water, made some approving grunts while showing its strange, white, multi-section beak, and dropped me in a container of water. Then, the other creatures got back on board, and within minutes, we were moving. I wept for the loss of my den, and cowered in fear for what might lie ahead.

After a short trip, I was again trapped in the strange material with holes, lifted from the water and placed in a glass prison filled with water. I was given a lousy little den, and then left alone while the strange alien creatures moved away. I have an uneasy feeling that there might be an anal probe in my future. Until then, where will I find food (already I could eat a whole crab)? What will happen to me when the aliens grow tired of me? Where will I find a mate? Will I ever see my den again? Why does the strange-looking, hairy-faced alien creature keep looking at me like it wants to eat me?

Continued in "One Year to Live: Memoirs of an Octopus"

.......

Is it more disturbing that I talk in my sleep, or that I sleep that close to Pete? And yes, Pete, I have found Moby Dick.

Back in the Field

After spending a few days shore - bound by the weather, it was back to the field today for work and a little fishing. We did the Mount Trashmore site on the bayside of Long Key. TJ mentioned many times how great it was to get back in the water. . . oh for the days when a rainy day was not a welcome respite but a horrible stop in the daily diving, fishing, research action. Not all was lost with our days on shore. Michael managed to finish up some important work on the computer. TJ and I went into Marathon, picked up some supplies, and stopped in at the FWC to see Cindy and the crew. TJ also got to meet the giant lobster and I got soaked netting it out of the tank.The next day called for rain again, so we decided to build some research gear for our upcoming project, codenamed OCTO (Operation Crab Tethering for Octopus). As is typical of marine science, since no one makes a device to tie a small swimming crab to the bottom for an octopus to catch later, we had to make one. We came up with three designs, one each, and built 2 of each design. My personal favorite is, of course, my own design, "THE CRAB-ER-ATE-OR 4000". As you can see from the picture below, it is a sleek and beautiful machine, and ready for deployment. Keep your eyes out for this baby to hit the late-night infomercial circuit any day now ("it slices, it dices, it tethers a crab to a plastic tube, and all for 3 easy payments of $19.95, plus shipping and handling!").Michael's "T-crab" is also a strong contender, as are TJ's Crabby Motel "crabs check in, but they don't check 0ut" and the Crab Buffet - All U Can Eat "Octopus Welcome." As you can see TJ is not one for brevity when it comes to naming research gear.
We all await with baited breath to see who's design wins the day. By the way, the crabs go inside the tubes and the whole thing is placed on the bottom near an octopus den. After a full day of engineering, we decided to go fishing. We headed out to Old Dan Bank and set up for some sharks. TJ hooked up with a good one, which ran him off about 100 yards of 65 lbs braid before biting through the wire leader. This shark has become TJ's White Whale. I hear him mumbling about the shark in his sleep from across the room ("I'll never buy cheap leader again, I'll never buy cheap leader again, I'll never. . . ). We will be back to get it, and for TJ's sake, hopefully sooner than later.Today we slept in a bit after a pretty good gathering over at the Octogon house w/ the ODU lobster crew. This afternoon we hit the waters near Mount Trashmore, the highest point in the Keys at a whopping 35 feet above sea level. We got the site done and took some great cleaner shrimp pictures. While Michael took photos of the shrimp, TJ and I molested some octopus, completing an additional 3 tickle stick tests. All in all, a pretty good weekend (although none of us can really remember what day it is anymore).

Michael's Misery

Today Michael decided to finish some grading he had left over from his trip to Yellowstone. The forecast called for rain and it gave us some time to catch up on some busy work. So while he graded papers, Pete and I made a trip to Marathon. I'm not sure if they're called Marathon trips because they're made into Marathon or if it just seems like you are running a marathon every time you go. At any rate, we got to get some needed supplies and stopped by to see Cyndy at her office. I got to see a lobster that belonged in a Godzilla movie along with some other cool stuff. The pit stop also got us invited to a Pirates of the Carribean II party tonight at Cyndy's house! Right now the monsoons are pouring in from the south, and more are in the forecast. I finally got some time for all my cuts and scrapes to heal out of the water. Thank God for small favors. Michael prepared an excellent meal of fajitas for us tonight. He claims this is what won him his wife Margaret. I'm taking careful notes and am certain I will attain gourmet status in no time. The picture is from post-meal time. Nuff said......

Ahhhhhhh, Days in the Field

Well haven't posted in a few days, so let's give it a go shall we. What has happened.........Oh yeah, I got stung in the face by a sea whip. That was pretty cool. I still have the marks on my face and neck, but you can't tell it in any of the pictures. What had happened was.......we were filming one of the octopus trials, in which you basically have to lie flat on the ocean floor while filming. I observed Dr. Bouwma, aka "Dancing Pete", contently lying in a bed of sea whips while filming- soooooo I figured it would be o.k. to follow suit. NOT A GOOD IDEA! Now Pete bears a similar mark on the back of his neck and his knee.

Thursday - Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket? We have had some great weather lately in the Keys - sunny skies, calm seas, etc. Today I found out just how quickly that can change. Went underwater with sunny skies, emerged into a typhoon. I LOVE THE KEYS! I actually really do love the Keys, it's just that a long boat ride into a stinging rain is no so much fun. We did salvage the day though after the rains subsided. Michael twisted both our arms and made us go fishing! I really do enjoy getting to show off some of those freshwater "bass fishin" skills! And I hereby formally apologize to Pete for catching more fish than him. Pete, I'm sorry.

New Digs

Here are some pictures from the new house at the end of long key lakes drive. Not too bad.

First Days in the Field

Well, after spending a few days fixing the baitwell pump in the boat, fishing, and teaching the new guy what a lobster looks like and, more importantly, how to coax it into the net without looking like a total moron, we have finished our first four sites in the field. The first two sites were on the bay side of Long Key, near the Outdoor Resorts former trailer park land. We couldn't have asked for nicer weather, flat calm water, excellent visibility, shallow water - two great days on the water.
In the water we found 3 Octopus near ODR and poked them with a stick. While this may seem a bit cruel or unnecessary perhaps, we are trying to test how they respond to this sort of threat. Most of the octopus seem to like the stick and most didn't want to give it back. We got lots of great videos of the octopus valiantly trying to pull the tickle stick out of TJ's hands. Fortunately we managed to get the stick back, so far. . .
I also spotted a small school of Caribbean Reef Squid hanging out by our transect lines. They were a bit concerned with the large, hairy, bubbling object shooting pictures of them, changing colors rapidly and threatening me with their tentacles. Not bad for a 4 inch long cephalopod.

Today, we made the long trip down to Bamboo Key off of Marathon, near where we took TJ yesterday for his first Lobster Reuben sandwich at Keys Fisheries (waddling out later with hands placed contentedly over extended stomach). This was a full day - no holds barred, two full sites. We caught about 70 lobsters, 14 Octopus, and a few rashes (sea whips wrapped around the neck while trying to video an octopus try and yank a ticklestick out of TJs hand). Yes, 14 Octopus, almost as many as the Childress picked up all last summer. TJ appears to be some sort of good luck talisman when it comes to locating large numbers of octopus.
Tonight, we went over to KML for a birthday party for Daniel Poland, aka "The Swede", his thirtieth. On the way over, we stopped at the quickstop for an excellent assortment of random gifts for Daniel including an R-rated beer coozy and quick-drying-odor-reducing-urine-powder (turning thirty apparently is only one short step from incontinency). A good time was had by all. Tomorrow, Lignumvitae Key!

Let's go fishing

Today's forecast was for sunny skies and calm seas, so as all good researchers do we decided to go fishing. First off we decided to hone my newbie skills at lobster catching. Though all did not go exactly according to plan, it did go fairly well. After about an hour we are all cold, except for Mr. Freeze (aka Pete Bouwma), so we decide to call it a day and go fishing. What a day!!! We go a few miles offshore and almost immediately find a small school of mahi, one of which opted for a much cooler climate inside our freezer. We had multiple hookups, usually ending with Dr. Pete scolding some poor fish for not properly following the correct de-hooking procedure. Man, does this guy take higher learning to the max! Anyway, we had a blast and I must give credit where credit is due - it was our fearless leader Michael who caught the mahi who now resides in our freezer. We ended the day with some bottom fishing on a small patch reef, where I battled wits with some grouper. You win some, you lose some. All in all, a great day on the water with good people. Tomorrow is Monday....now the real work starts - aaaaarghhhhh!

First fish of the summer

TJ gets the first fish of this trip. Unfortunately, he had to throw his back. My first fish (a nice snapper) will be part of dinner tomorrow - just thought I would mention that.

Breakfast at Little Italy

So, we walk to a place next door for breakfast at about 11:30 am. The name of this establishment is Little Italy. I hear all the old "war stories" about this and other places along the way, which supposedly helped pass the time for the 18 hours we were all in the truck. Our second in command, Lieutenant Bouwma as he prefers to be called, is so exhausted from lack of sleep and comfort in the spacious back seat of our vehicle that he automatically adds cream to his ice water and takes a big swig of his coffee. The mahi sandwich was really good, but I overheard the mayor of the town saying how bad the fries suck!

Beginning of the Expedition

3:00 AM, Day 1: I finally get to sleep, having massively underestimated the time it was going to take to finish packing, clean the apartment, wash dishes before leaving (no roaches this time upon my return!).

7:30 AM: I leave the apartment for campus after 4 refreshing hours of sleep. Ironically I talk to neighbor in parking lot, who complains about excess roaches in his apartment. “Like small dogs. . . “ he says.

8:00 AM: I stop for coffee a Jittery Joes, redeeming punch card for most expensive coffee item on the menu, the infamous “Crackachino” w/ no fewer than 4 shots of espresso. Life is good.

8:30 AM: Tumbler drops in door lock to lab, locking me, increasingly frantic and un-caffeinated, outside of the lab. The key, which worked minutes before does so no longer, placing a heavy door between me, the field gear which I need to start loading on to the truck, and more importantly, my coffee. TJ arrives, his key also does not work. Fortunately, the master key does and disaster is averted, but time of departure is pushed back.

9:15 AM: Gear is loaded and the expedition begins! Michael – “Are we there yet?” . . . First indication that our fearless leader might be somewhat delusional, or just have a sick sense of humor. This is going to be a long trip. . .

9:30 AM: The boat is picked up from the EnTox facility. I notice that the ball of the trailer tongue is loose. Trailer ball is tightened (with what appears to be almost excessive vigor) and over the next few hundred miles Michael tries to erase the images of the boat, no longer tethered to the hitch by the aforementioned loose trailer ball, bounding merrily after the truck on the highway at 70 mph. TJ immediately falls asleep in the back with all the equipment that could not be stored in the truck bed – this appears to be a comfortable position. I decide to try it myself.

1:30 PM: I take over driving for a bit. The afternoon deluge hits. Rain is pretty intense. I keep an eye out for pairs of animals two by two crossing the highway. Michael is just glad he remembered to wrap his bag in plastic at last stop – meaning that he will have dry underwear when we get the keys.

3:00 PM: Our massively long truck, boat, and human rig stops for gas and sustenance. Michael, who fortunately did not forget about the trailer ball, checks for the 4^th time and finds that it turns in his fingers. TJ’s lack of wrench-turning strength is immediately ridiculed. Ball is tightened again and we are on our way.

5:00 PM: We stop again, trailer ball is loose again. We start looking for an establishment that sells trailer balls in St. Augustine, FL and is open late on a Thursday.

6:00 PM: We found what may be the world’s most expensive 2 inch trailer ball. Made out of solid platinum, or something, apparently justifying the its $45 dollar price tag. Turns out the old ball had threads too small for the receiver and the lock nut had been wrenched inside the hole in the hitch, rendering it useless. New ball fits nicely. We all gather ‘round, gaze upon its beauty, and hope that this is the last time we have to stop for this crap.

9:30 PM: We stop to feed the thirsty truck. We are all assailed by bugs, but particularly Michael, who has to stand by the truck to pump the gas. This particular gas station supports a particularly diverse group of insects, few of which are the same species, but all enthusiastically charging up Michaels shirt, nostrils, hair, etc. We leave gas station for the next exit for dinner, hoping it will be less ecologically diverse.

12:00 AM: We enter the land of tolls and engage elderly toll booth operator who inquires whether we are going fishing. Yes, replies our fearless leader. “In all this rain?” she asks. “Yup,” I say, “in all this rain at MIDNIGHT!” No, just a second, that is what I thought – we just nodded politely and got the heck out of there. In the land of tolls, we meet many types of tollbooth operators: Very slow elderly gentleman, very slow elderly woman, weebles, arithmetically-challenged axel-counter, and at last, a competent operator. . . with 9 miles to go on the Turnpike.

2:00 AM: We enter the 18 mile stretch. TJ finally wakes up, “Are we there yet?” Conveniently, all the construction crews have waited until the wee hours of the morning to put up construction cones for me to drive through.

3:00 AM. We are 10 miles from the Keys Marine Lab, our final destination and get stuck behind a wide load (half-a-house) going through a construction zone. Driver is conveniently knocking over every cone into my path to weave the boat through. This is not a particularly welcome development.

3:30 AM: We arrive at KML and are greeted with a warm, humid dorm and a turd in the downstairs bathroom. Air conditioning on, turd evicted, and to bed we go! Home, at last. I leave you with a picture from the marina dorm looking out over Florida Bay with a storm rolling in our first day.